Sweet and Sour~ Naughty And Nice~ Lemon me!

hm~  so yea.. lets just go back to the time where i didnt have to be sum1 just to please sum1...
lets go to the time where daddy always come's in my room asking "bhapa tuh?!"...
or for the fact of time... lets just go back where i was sooo childish enuf to even care less about boys or heck! the world!

gosh.. those were the times i pray to HIM for my prince charming... a dozen of beautiful baby boys and girls.... *or at least i was thinking of a dozen ;p ~ influenced by 101 Dalmations ;D*... and wat more than to repay my family for everything they have done....

sadly.. dreams i had broken into pieces juat by 1 guy... actually.. A BOY... TH'E boy exactly...left with only by words "i cant have this relationship nemore..... sorry baby.. i "do" love u.. but i just cant."

yea.. sweet words melted like butter and i got burned for them...

so anyway... those are the times i wished i was STONGER.. SMARTER.. and EVEN MORE CHILDISH than ever...at least... things like "in love" or "boyfriend" or "have u done it?" wud mean anything....

i let myself unguard by the worldly things and these things caused so much that.. it ripples... (i.e: it give greater effect in the future)... so now i wonder all the time... even if TH'E boy left.. and i took the arms of having "them" fatherless.. i wud still be great...

but sumhow.. losing both was the only thing to "contain myself sanity"... of course wat cud matters was my family... i was 12 wen these happened... and those gruesum 2 years took more than just my childhood.. it took a part of me that needed more nuturing.. more time... more understanding...

oh well.. at least now i see.. more then ever.. wat kind of adult i've been... and those childishness that i've slightly put aside seems have to make me even look "adult"...

i know i've been blasting of the "things" i've done and did... but sumhow i needed to... just so that i can learn even more... learn about life...

hM~ now those "things" flashes around... and still sum of them haunts... i just pray that i dont have any more chances wen another disaster happens... at least.. others live  naturally~ like hubby call me... a satanist... a women who's soul is too dark to be cleanse....

and he's rite... i am just so... ergh!

i know i made promises... but hardly i keep them..

i just cant keep them... i dunnow why i even bother to agree to it... cause i know myself.. and i hate PROMISES...

hm~ gosh i can still rmembr my 1st date... and it was so funny!!! how we met.. how got connected.. how i wud wait for his calls... erm~ and daddy wud even "occasionally" hides the phone... cause i think there was i time the bill skyrocket to almost 300 a month... hehehe...

so yea.. lets just go back to that time... it always soothes me... sumhow...

hm~ been so quite from me.. but to those who knows the BEHIND SCENES.. forgive me... and accept me.

and those who doesnt... busybody jua eyh! hehehe... well.. simple and short... all H*ll broke loose the thing i had with sweety.. (FOCUS THE PAST TENSE? ;p ) and sum how... losing another.. "gains" another...

gains in term.. Hubby is desperately "trying" and well.. my Emperor's back haunting me...

full details... details.. details? nada mau eyh... time is just not on my side...

where and what m i doing now? seriously? ...... physically and emotionally: i'm "here"... mentally and unconsciously: i'm "outthere"...

too much clues? hm~ how else can i describe this? *ive just read sweety's message... my dreams are only mine to keep.. leave me.. please...*

so yea... emperor? hm~~ *smiling in a craze daze...* he just keeps saying he miss me... he's been like that ever since.. wish he just have the guts to take words into action... hehehe

aw~ he even wishes if there's ONE shot for him and me.. he'll jump for it... *ryte~~ ;P* but its so damn hot how he sed it... hehehe...

*not TURNING ON*  just hm~~~ *flushing away*

chewah! anywayz... m main reason coming back here is to TAGIH MARRIZ for the Graduation pix... *i have some.. but people.. it sucks!* and CONGRATS TO ALL that was there... just wished i stayed longer *eyh wait... if i stayed,i wud be seeing sweety all the time - which- i was trying so hard to avoid*

i know angelz.. i DID went psycho wen i saw him... and KD... aka Kamarul Fahmi? seriously.. any gurl dat saw how cute and adorable KD in uniform wud die... huhuhu~ sadly.. He's just a candy.. *a little sum-sum wen i need "sum"*.... whopps.. and as for sweety~ i went psycho coz.. he knows dat we both wished we lasted till that day *Grad day* hM~

ok.. a little REMIX hre... coz TIME's UP~

cheers people! mish my angelz and devils...

TRASH ME ALWAYS!!! mmmmmwwwwaahhhzz!!!!

hm~ haters read this...

m kinda pumped up from yanyan's blog... seriously.. she has a way with words but none means most to actually kick me up my ash~

its been a week from my horror nite... bruises and scars healing and yet still i feel undeserve to live... undeserve to continue of another breath of fresh air...

its funny how wen u know tht the REAl deal's in front of u... and tht ure willing to make sacrifices for it.. people starts talking.. judging... even worse... pulling you even more down into the pits of guiltiness...

i used to believe in love... believe in better chances... but tht all died a very long long long time ago... a moment where people.. my family and friends didnt even other to look at the tiny details.. up till now. where i stood up for MY better chances of living...

i still flashes back into tht nite... trying to recall... but all i cud recall was the bit THUMP to my chest...fainted..and then gasping for air and desperately reaching for help.

i swear... nda alang2 if i let go tht nite... let go completely...

of course u mite say... dont say like tht... think of ur family.. children... I DO... thts y... this 3rd chance of me living in this world just doesnt make enuf sense.. all i ever do is WRONG... in religion and sense of humanity..

i love evry part tht has and will happen to me... i just wish other people around me can be more supportive and just say little... than more...

tonite... im totally losing it... spending every more moment with sweety while he's waiting... hm~ damn... that near to death call WAS not a wake up call... it was my time to react! ta take actions and accept every punishment and pain it'll give me...

hm~ back to yanyan.. yea.. "strong girl" me stupid.. u DUM DUM! hm... u let go wen u JUST realise how "sacrifing" he is for "your love"... hm~ i tot u got my msg... but i guess u didnt.. well here it is... U SACRIFICIED YOUR BODY FOR A DEAD LOVE... you let it happen to you just because~~~ he sed all those things? hm~ BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!

and this "relationship" m wif him... once there's a clear sign of whether to stay or go.. he knows... i'll walk.. gladly... i'll walk... and if it still wrong to walk.. i'll stay... :P hehe.. thats just how love is... u walk the walk dont just TALK the TALK...

craps... this is really trashing..... and sweety's acting like he doesnt even read this... hm~ always be with him.. :D

 

oryte loves and haters.. cont supporting the goodness of trashes... cause wif no shyte laying around... there's no world. hehe... confused? me too.....

 

 

wif sweety~ 090308 8.01pm

 

sunday 2nd march... m at dads... and depressed about everything... how can this ever be rite for me...

okay lets just start with how's my relationship wif sweety... 1st off... its been wonderfully great... just last nite i was wif him... TOTALLY JUST US.... and i knew sumting was up the moment mummy msged and called me up a thousand times.... gosh... her words really killed me badly...

wah!!!! i know ive been dying to trash ever since i got the fucking thing worked... but now tht im here... its just -POOF-....

but so yea.. lets just continue to know the ending...

so yea... it was around 1.30AM... focus! AM... yea.. u guessed it... i was wif him TOTALLY... hm~ i was actually at a friends bday earlier... well..technically i was wif him the WHOLE day... just wen i received word about the bday bash i went home.. changed and packed... and left...

oh~ u mite think.. where the hell is she going in the middle of the nite? hehehe... ure oll grown up.. u get it... and 2nd question tht lurkes in u... my hubs? u know wer he is...

so yea... the whole nite cudve been magical if we were at our spot... but anyway.. i loved the nite... wished tht we didnt have the care in the world and stay in each others arms the rest of our life...

m not gonna trash of wat details we made for last nite... but looking at ur faces... u shud figure it out the moment u read this...

so yea... the reason actually for me posting such a different title than its contents is too make me have tht inspiration and adrenaline too kick start such an entry aftr so long... :D

gosh... reading back from the top.. this is such a bore!!! hahaha...

back to the title... i am not an option of course focuses only to him and only him... he knows wat it means... and he knows how damn serious i've been lately about love,lust and other stuffs... sweety~ i just dont want u to make a wrong choice just cause u caught *sort of* ur dream girl.. actually.. dream WOMAN.

i know conversations and gestures we've made have been more intimate and close..  but seriously... the deeper we get,the further i wna be... just to make sure... there WILL be a future of us..

i keep thinking how is this ever gonna end wen evn just a late reply to ur miss col... uve gone mad... txtng me whthr m olryte... wen in fact i was dead busy at work...

oh WORK! love tht word... its really getting 2 me now... the environment... people... everything.. and the conclusion of me working with them? W.O.R.K.A.H.O.L.I.C!!! seriously... everytme i set my mind to leave early i end up leaving real late... but the latest was only 7.30 :D

but then again... my jobs easy peasy... key in this.. pass entry that... check people's visa... WHOOPS.... hehe... yea... i'm dealing wif the incoming and outgoing of peoples transactions... not just that "product".. others too...

so yea... back to swety~ hm~ after todays trouble and telling u tht i'm dead serious f gng to adventure at kb... ure in kb... * yeay! finally i can chat in msn~ hahaha... bru complete totally*

hehehe... GIRLS NYTE OUT!!! thanks berries... mwahz! u reli noe wen an angel needs her bff....

oteh i gues to be cont?? hehehe... mwahz!!

lemoNilla Me~

gosh! damn the connection in wywy... i'm kinda sakai still for the fact tht i,well,my sis's BF re-installed an upgrade version of vista in my lappy... and now.. my lappy is just so much more complicated... cause~~~ i LOST all my pix and songs previously dwnloaded.. fuck!

i.. i mean WE... *of cuz.. sweety and i* are now watching footy at wywy,muara but i prefer calling it wywy,sg hancing... coz its not in MUARA... its exactly in SG HANCING...hehehe u get?

gosh... nothing like a cool rainy breeze and being in his arms... i really feel NOT me.. i feel.. US.. hahaha.. okay too complicated and cofused for u people to understand.. but seriously wen ure this level of being sooooooo in lurve... it doesnt matter wat the world around u say or look... its just US...

but in my case.. the world still matter and i hate for the fact tht sumtimes i wish... oh wait.. i prayed for a single day to just be left alone... living the life i desire.... and just fall in love! HARD!... hehehe...

oh shyte.. talking of lurve... not only i spent last last nyte chilling *oso* wif sweety~ gues who i saw was chilling around?? hahaha! emperor Rai..... and fcuk... he pretended he didnt saw me... but i know his eyes was behind me.. hahaha.. so wat~ if he really did mean wat he sed about 'us' for sure he wud've cum up and say sumting... but fortunately he ddnt.. and i'm sooooo glad....

and i really looked kusut dmlm... exsen sweety too about how i dressd... hehehe... :P and i know ure eyes is reading this...!!! and stop biting me... jealous org ah... balik2 meliat!

iakan? iakah!!! .... lalala...

hm~ m really trashing my heart out... not only of sweety.. and wateva happening now.. i'm SERIOUSLY trashing... OMG! sal kaja lg... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu... akhir ja balik!!! well.. about 1 too 2 hours late balik.. and shyte my supervisors...they need to watch their "attitudes"...

-gosh these boys in front of us is just soooo lame on hitting gurls- mihir eyh~~ and seriously... buleh the gurls are phillipina.. so lame!!!! *sakit ati~~ sweety wana hit on her too panya before i arrived!!* sweety jahat!! :P:P:P:P:P

wahahahahaha!!!

and its midnite...!!!!time for cinderella to turn pack her carriage awaiting into a pumpkin and leave her prince till the next tyme they can be in 1.... huhuhuhuhuhu

otey trashers and readers... soon to be continued... well not that SOON... but i will be back!!!


loving this nite... lemonMe!!!!

OMG!! hehehe so absolutely nervous to start working tomorrow... i was really shocked being offered the post of working in Baiduri Bank... i know mumey and sticthy berry is tryna scare me of the environment there.. but seriuosly... i'll be fine.. *gulp*

and how's ME been lately? antah~ i'm practically totally out of my minds wif my dear sweety yan... caya... last week my hubby had oversea's duty strtin munday till thursday... and for tht whole 4 days... i went crazy and wasted it with him.. am-pm-am-pm...

i dun wanna strt thinking y? but i absolutely LOVE him~ okay okay... maybe abit over.. but i DO! all the things we did was special.. and its kinda crazy how even tho he has sum tings to settle wif his GF.. he wud always skip tht and escape to me..

hmm... and funny how last nite i decided to tell him tht we shud slow down.. cause seriously.. things tht happened wif him was a total BLAST! i really feel so lucky and amazing wen i'm with him...

wana see how he looks.. u'll be amazed how i cud even say HE'S AMAZING! but he just IS!


see.. see... how we look so in lurve!!! wa.... its crazy tht i'm posting this pix.. hahaha... but on this lucky day... we both got more than we asked for.. and thts actually committing sumting togther PUBLICLY!

seriously... we spent the WHOOOLLLEEE pm here.. talking.. dreaming.. and just absolutely everything like we both have meet long before time..

well.. on this pix that we took.. we just kenal-kenal for about 2 weeks? crazeee....

hmm~ and to think i wanna end it.. but i just had to.. huhuhuhuhuhu

crap!! i miss u sweety! i miss u even more and more dangerously! *just a momento of sask-ness*

huhuhuhuhu nangis ku eyh lagu "have u ever" g main lam radio... wa!!!!

shyte...

anyway... iatah bh.

gonna trash sumwer else jap :D mmwahz!




SweetMe.... 100208 *and yesterday was my 6th anni.. caya.. i have no feeling*

hm~ in due of the failure to thesixberries hotmail... i just had to create a yahoo account for all my job applications and c.v... huhuhuhuhuhu

iatah tu nah~ ngmbang kan kai thesixberries... corruptd plng nda mau sign in leh the 2 admins.. reds and strawberry~ hehehehe....

ane g... kan marah nda jua patut! -strawberry!!pick up ur phone... obviously girl.. u shud recognize 6644 no!... duh!-

anyhoo~ my loveszz if ur reading this... my yahoo ID! : siti_111@yahoo.com

so please try to remembr to edit my letters yg ada wif u,strawberry!... and also,rembr to delete angelz_triple3 :D thankz! mmwwaahz~

hm~ so yea... anyone reading and interested to chk me sakai using yahoo.. add me up :D


chheeerz~ -waiting for my angelz to return~ 5.36pm @ dads...-

ok~ prolly wat panicked me was actually nothing and the thing i was suppose to do was Done.. gladly...

and imagine me doing those chores... huhuhuhuhu *amah balik dah... waiting for a new one*

owh straw berry~ i can never forget tht part~ how u layan oll those "boys" for me.. thankz tho! hehehe... they were kinda above their heads... hahaha... *sanak dorg sal konpius sorg2... hahaha2*

fuh~ s yea... wednesday 16th jan 08... at west.. *bru makan* -and of cuz wif strawberry-

its 3.35pm.... and my kinda secure to know tht my angelz are in good hands :D

hm~ nyaman makn ne eyh~ so hungry!!!!!

so its been hectic since this am...early am a bit of disagreement wif hubby sal pakai kerita... sal ia nda mau2 ngalah kan pakai keta pm ane.. HUMPH!... but by the end... I'm HERE! so fgures eyh~

thn did abit of overdue laundry~ and cleaning *which was not my duty! my sister's tu!* so yea... then texted strawberry.. sal lgpun we want to go to SP for our acknowledge letter of finishing ND...

then~ kana col th ku.. my dear babu aka my bio mother is discharged from the hospital tp nda org ngntar... sian jua lah.. so told her i'll be picking her up after sending my kids off at my dad's place.. *idc nemore abt tht devil in human body*~ -referring to his maid-

so yea... gosh~ nyaman bnr rasa nya blgging again~ and its so funny how in my mind i'm sort of "kecarian" him~ the emperor....

"history shall not be repeated by it self... it is repeated by the works of your actions... the good shan't destroy evil as easy in urban legends... for the reason always caused by our both hands and our actions... "


ok now it's really annoying i cant chnge my font back to normal... so m just gnna cont :D

how koinky kidink is this... i was just thinking of the guy and here pops our thme song.. Sweetest Escape by gwen.~ hm~ "hopefully u wont leave me!"....

lalalla~ Sweetest Escape...

geesh~ so over u! wahaha! *or im just partly still?*

ok ok~ enuf of this... happy reading trashers... mmmwahz!

dear god... is his pm now... not tht i regret about our conversation but seriously... he started so m just going wif the flow....

m not sorry for the way u are cause i was like u but eventually i got over u... not soon enuf tho... it was really a long journey getting over you... but yea.. i'm there.. but funny how now tht u're frequently whre i wud find u... the same q's rolls over2 again.. what if.. i and u~ turns back into "US" again~

wow! wont tht make another history in our chapters again...

well... thats that lah... malas to think about...

so here's my REAL blog...

early am i had to send hubby off... duty oversea's till thurs.. *which i've just recvd text nda jd.. and u'll get it why my heading is as it is*

so yea.. send off the kids on time.. pick up Hjh Mumey... then strawberry and chilled at azmee rest. which is near by SP... lgpun.. andang our nxt stop is SP... so yea... SP meet all the peeps... hehehe~

thn reds and silent berry joined... :D where eventually we left them sal sorg2 ada hal... *malas jua udah tu cerita wat exctly happen at school*

so yea... ard 11 we @ west... but they were still busy getting the place done :D hehhe

but we stayed in anywayz... *west freaks...*

but the funny thing is dorg straw and mumey berry auto-connected... and my lappy here was totally being shitty~ humph!

then 11.30 went off to pick my kids up... and at 2.30 went back to west... funny thing ... mumey set up my nl9 things mau.. but wen i touched my lappy back... dc saja... humph!

so yea.. m kinda frustrated tht hubby not on duty... COZ i have a lot of plans.. i need to drive... huhuhuhuhuhuhu....

so yea.. up till now m still at west~ and its already 3.19pm....

hm~ and now i remembr my conversation wif hads aka heiro... abt how life's unfair.. its true... but i feel life's unfair is the reason we humans are able to live longer... with all those dissapointments.. losses... hurts.. pains.. cause out of all these bad emotions and experiences and history... comes all the goodness we deserve..

like me getting pregr's at 15.. i NEVER see it even now as a - how people say it -  kerugian...in fact being wat i was actually has bring me into much more an adult and luck.. but i'm not saying tht it as a suggestion... m just saying as from my experience...

hm~ for those wonderful years... they've grown so much tht i sumtimes hate to think for them to grow into more thn they are now... u know... as a mother,waiting for that moment whether u've given her all she needs wen she's ready for her own life... her own family... her ownself..

well.. thats one of the things i always think about.. thats why i rarely give them strict rules.. but wen they do sumting wrong.. a spank and a lot of "bibiran" wud be there... hehehe...

oh gosh~ m reli frustrated... how m i gng to make my plans happen? hm~

*terlalai cerita dsini sikit*

-thinking-


hm~ well.. wat ever's gng 2 happen later.. gid or bad... i'll be trashing it here. :D

cheers!



sweetSournaughtyNice Lemonberry~



west @ 3.30pm 14-01-08

its true wat heiro says~ i need some time wif multiply... but thn again... i still chk up fs as often i open up multiply...

there's a whole lotta getting use to in here...

anyhoo~ correction of sayin in my prev blog about a soon trash~ but how m i to resist... temptation's always IS hard to denie...

now.. its my 3rd hour sitting in west~ wif songs blasting thru the speakers... making me much calmer than earlier... not alone tho! never alone wen i wana memburuk... m wif bluberry and sticthyberry~ 

and owh how i had a total funny morning today~ written test at baiduri 8.45.. 3 parts... 1st two was more concern with written english but the final part... owh god how i had a melt down... mathz!

all those interest and exchange rates... nda g buleh kai calcu.. wahahaha....

but overall... i find myself "collected" hehehhe....

then went to HQ of a well-known co... went there asking for an employment form.. but how funny the receptionist informed tht it'll only be released wen there is a certain vacany posted... which later *afta picking up sticthy* we found that THERE IS A VACANCY!

duh~ i mean i even politely asked if we were able to leave an application and copies of cert's... nda jua buleh katanya... duh! -mcm mana th org len buleh apply?-

anyhoo... not a prob.. esuk2 ku tnya org kaja sana! wahahaha~

so yea... now i have exactly 15 mins to pick up hubby~ and yet my ash still stays at its place... wuhuuu

and to strawberry -sorry darlz.. me mentalz tu td... nda mau connected td for almost an hour *while dorg auto cnnctd!* hm~ all i can say eyh! FIGURES! hehehe.... u and C / u and *the other guy~ the couzin to be exact!*... wahahaha... gosh rindu lah mem buruk wif u!

sadly.. i'm being controlled by hubby... wat i do.. who im wif.. u noe the usual paranoia~

so anyhoo~ i hope my luck doesnt run out on me... i reli need a job... i want that ornage beetle! wahahaha.. (strawberry~ i fall in love wif it dah)

so yea.. batah jua convo ne eyh~ owh owh! any angel berries reading this.. mau sama kain? IF there's no specific function wear... hehehe... awl2 lah bali :D

gosh~ buring ku eyh... all my songs are oldies... anyone? cana kan dwnload lagu ne... i tried imeem... still blurr... hehehe~

so yea... next tyme more trash... gtg!




Sweet Sour Naughty Nice Lemonbaby!


west-80108-4.07pm

wow.... my first trash talk....

so heiro hope u'll be reading this and u know i'll be expecting comments

nehoo... 1st day of the 2nd week 2008.... monday,7th jan 08.... where am i? *kes desperate and so miss chilling out* i'm at coffeebean wif sticthy berry~ *and she cant stop complaining how hot it is- i agree-*

so anyhoo~ went for a job interview tadi sumwer in bunut... kinda freaky lah the place but anyhoo,overall i find the company kinda the environment i would like to work for...-busy and hectic- so yea... filled in a description form and met wif the marketing manager *fyi:post i applied for~ sales ex. which i have no idea wat it is...*

so it was more of an intro than an interview... i mean i totally felt calm... and comfortable wif her... suzian i think her name... then she asked me this question: "would u prefer staying in bandar or kb *since they have 2 branches*?" and any one who totally knows my history wud figure wat i felt like... my heart can only say "yes! yes!" but sumhow i didnt have to answer tht... she just auto answered : "hm~ but u have kids here gng to school... so i know u're gonna say bandar"... i felt so flushed...

its NOT because of the history i dream of being there... its just i want a new start~ a new everything... new people... new me... discover more...

chewah~ but totally i am~ kinda ~ -zip- not gonna start~

wats past is past~ lagipun... i am in gud terms wif him dah.. so why bother ryte!

owh crap... gtg now.. i have to go sumwer asap... lupa... nehoo~ dont expect a new blog soon~ its gonna take a while! hehehe...

and owh did i mention i'm gonna have a written test at a local bank 2mrw.. hm~ hope luck doesnt run out soon~ i desperately need it...

mmwahz!

sweet sour naughty nice lemon berry~


IMU BERRIES!


C.b~